Teenage

Do they know that my eyes are often like faulty drainpipes – they leak.

Do they know that I can’t withstand shouting from my family?

Do they know that I’m sensitive, and vulnerable to critique?

And do they know that beyond my WhatsApp status, there’s more to me?

Do they see behind the smiles, the laughter, the mirth

Or do they dismiss my fears, and deepest anxieties?

Do they see that every night, I question my self-worth

Or do they believe that I’m just some wannabe, not conforming to their proprieties?

Do they know that it’s no simple feat, dealing with the weight of eyes unseen?

Or that hiding myself – masking – is arduous to the extreme

Perhaps they admire the determination for me to reach my dream,

Or scorn that I’m begging the other side of me to be seen?

Do they?

No.

They do not.

They do not realise that there’s daggers behind the syllables they speak,

That I crumble, every time I hear the words of their weaponized vocabulary.

They do not realise that I’ve never been, as they define, ‘happy’.

Because…

I never have.

Please remove your
thunder brow,
black despatched glares,
and how
annoying I am
is understood
by both of us.
Why the fuss?

Zahia and Ahmad are best friends.

They like to play Roblox.

Zahia sometimes annoys Ahmad

And it is very funny.

BFFs forever!

The house is quiet, the lights are low,
A gentle hush falls with the snow.
Stockings are hung, a colorful pair,
Waiting for Santa, beyond compare.
The Christmas tree, with tinsel bright,
Sparkles and twinkles in the soft night.
Cookies and milk, a special treat,
For reindeer’s journey, oh so sweet.
With sleepy eyes and dreams so grand,
Of presents waiting, close at hand.
We’re tucked in bed, but listen near,
For sleigh bells jingling, “Ho, Ho, Ho,” and cheer!

No matter if I’m skinny
No matter if I’m pretty
No matter if I’m athletic

I look

I look at my reflection
Anytime I can

And, oh man
all the flaws I see
Why can’t my eyes let me be?

Judging every curve, dip, bump, spot, flake
from top to bottom

I wish I could shake
This feeling
This disgust
This hate
Of my body

I could spend money
to change
But my eyes won’t change

They’ll always find a way
no matter what people say
to make me feel
insecure

about my body

I’m tired of acting strong,
My soul hurts,
My heart is lost,
My mind is gone
I’ve lost myself.

My shadow drags heavier than my body,
as if Earth knows itself,
I don’t belong.

The silence is pounding in my head,
walls closing in.
Every breath feels borrowed,
like air was never meant for me.

Would absence be louder than my voice?
If my chair was empty?
My fake laugh was missing?
The little things that made me?

Gone.
Disappeared Forever.

As I sit here,
My body mixed with sand and the sea,
How I wish I could see
The liquid sunset in your eyes
To see the corner of your eyes crinkle when you smile,
To see your hair dancing in this breeze,
To hear your voice through these waves

Oh my love,
Come back and find me,
Drenched under this pale moonlight,
Before I dissolve
Into the emptiness before me

Find me before
The sea tastes like you and me

no matter what happens,
it’s always her.

she’s there through my
platonic breakups,
romantic breakups,
emotional breakdowns,
when I’m overwhelmed
and the nights I cry myself to sleep.

she’s there
every
single
time.

that’s why it’s always her.

but you know..
things change.

*people change*.

so maybe it’s not always her.
at least not anymore,
not the way it once was.

she’s not there anymore.

but honestly?
nor am I.
and I’m trying to move on
from her.

and I think I’m almost there.

As the light shines in the day,
Darkness falls away
The light causes glee,
But darkness stays with me
The light comes astray,
And dawn falls to day.
As the Light fades away,
The darkness will stay.
For nothing keeps shining
Like a star losing lighting,
When darkness comes astray,
The light shall fall away.
Into the night, the light will stay
In the dark, the darkness will play.
For nothing good can stay
As the darkness will never fall away.
But in all the times when you want to flee,
There will come a time for glee
As light will rise and sway
When the day sets away.

Hurting something nobody sees me doing Hurting is something I didn’t realise I was doing for a long time till I locked myself up in a room and turned off all the lights, shut the blinds and sat in the dark room

Hurting is something I didn’t realise i was doing till I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror anymore and smile to where I couldn’t look at a lighter anymore and think of it as a tool to light a candle

Hurting is something we all do but don’t realise it