Teenage

Gunfire rattles the windows on the houses
Glass splinters against the cobbles by our feet
I lie back, numb all across me
As the shards claw at broken skin and khaki clothes
Yet I feel none of it.

The air above my face shudders black with bullets
Soldiers snarl in a desperate cry
As they all fall to join me
Fear sparking, sharp, electric
Yet I hear none of it.

The sky burns with light as shapes descend
Every face I’ve ever lost staring back with honest eyes
A hand holds itself out, and as I reach up and stumble forth
Nothing can touch my broken body, broken soul
I feel none of it.

The light opens wide and I stare into its gaping mouth
Nerves like ice freezing in each cell to see
The heavens’ gates open wide but still I won’t move
Won’t step towards their light
Will know none of it.

“The sky’s too big,” I cry out to their cold impossible faces
“I’m scared,” I tell them, stare back at my fellow fallen
Have they gone up too?
I cannot follow, will not, I’m scared despite all I have felt before
I will learn none of it.

They speak to me then
The power of many condensed into one solitary sound
“Young man,” they say. “Don’t you know
That there is more to life than this one you have led?”
And I want to know all of it.

I wander up to that distant perfect light
Its secrets calling like a gentle cry of a lover
The world’s torment falls on deaf ears and still
I will forget none of it.
But I will leave behind all of it.

No, I can’t find her,
not in the books she used to read—the fantasies, the dystopian mysteries, the crime records.
Not in the sleep she was once deprived of,
not in her bewildering dreams,
not in her go-to food,
not in the studies she used to ace.

She is lost, if only I knew where.
Nothing that intrigued her before can save her.
She searches in the shadows of her mind, only to hear a hindered silence.
Once a buoy of light, now hunts for her luminescence,
like a ship, astray from its route in the sea.
Will she be found again?
Will I ever be found again?

I must tell myself I am okay I’m fine cuts on my wrist blood on the line wiping the tear’s from my face and pillow am I really okay or is this a shadow is my reality fake my sexuality fake medication everything so fake this pain it eats me up one step at a time until I’m dead until I’m blind caught in a dream can I find light I’m screaming is anyone there in this nightmare does anyone care pieces of myself scattered missed placed searching for a truth in this endless space I am screaming is anyone there this nightmare turned into reality

There was an ignition in your eyes,
A blend of blaze driven by a background of bronze,
Yet time’s nonchalance pours down its own waterfall
And you dwindled into nothingness;
Your eyes are dispassionate, dark, flooded with dismay.

Your smile was contagious, a wildfire
That enkindled elation within,
That then watered itself down with tears,
Tears that seep through the corners of your lips;
Your smile remains absent, hiding away.

There is a beat in your heart,
Rivulets of blood pump freely, it starts
Taking you back to the moments you’d grin from cheek to cheek
And the times your eyes weren’t as weak
You’re still alive, your soul is here to stay.

A formation of ones features to show pleasure, admiration and happiness. It’s something we all do really without thinking too much about it. As a little girl I’ve been told to say “cheese”, “show your teeth”, “be happy”. Happy. That’s what a smile means to us – happiness. A simple smile to show our happiness. But for me my smile is tsunami and of sadness which rises my inner lips up to my dark red cheeks that bleed out with insecurities made to fit others so that they may smile. This sadness is so much greater, so much deeper than happiness alone could ever be. Sadness is a complex emotion it can be shown through tears, through the stillness in silence and through just a simple smile.
Sadness allows us to connect with all our emotions, it’s the gateway for a surreal feeling. Sadness allows us to be happy.
My sadness is my happiness too. In between the tear drops from my eye to my check I fall into a tranquil refuge from the world’s harsh expectations which are a constant lullaby in my ears. Soothing like my mother’s touch yet price my insides into a thousand pieces. Blaring like a siren screaming to be gone. But all the same I love my sadness because without it I would never know what it feels like to be happy. I felt true sadness for the first time when I loved.
Loved so deeply, loved so hard, loved so determinedly
But despite all this I wasn’t loved back. But in that sadness, that very beautiful sadness, my happiness shone so bright and was so much greater, so much stronger because I saw them smile. Their beautiful smile that was engulfed by dimples that plunged so deeply into their face just like the self- hate that pierces into my skin when I see someone else who has everything. I want everything I desire, it’s everything I neeed for me to smile with them again for one last time.
I reminisce on our memories. Our happy memories from my sadness. They told me “forever” with a smile on their face but forever wasn’t meant for me. It was meant for someone else’s smile, someone else’s happiness, not for my sadness. I think back on how they made me smile how it glistened so brightly when I looked into there big brown eyes and how it now holds so many stories, so many feelings so many many things
But at the end of the day it’s just a simple smile. To show your happiness and my sadness.

The moon, a distant friend, followed me,
that was all I could see.
In my dreams, it housed elves and fairies,
feeding me sweet cream and cakes.
Coloured and plain.
But with a blink of my eyes, my moon friend warned,
as the sun rose, to disguise
its loyal companion; now I am
Left alone with a big, bright face.

People are lonely,
Want to be loved, want to be known
Lost myself in the process
In the end
Not myself, not others

An apple crunches, and inflames with a rash,
It deploys, and spreads its wings from the robust nest,
Skin impatient and lepidote,
It burns as it flies,
Teeth marks ride its sun sand skin and make love to its chalky plasma,
Intimate, the fruit flies rest in their womb of seeds,
An apple falls from its perch upon a frosted cloud,
It descends into compost and corrodes itself to ebony ash,
Its past is gone now, and is lost in a sea of obscurity

Breath of curving, dangerous wild,
Eyes of endless ocean,
Church spires bristling along his back,
Heart overflowing with veiled emotion.

What can he do, except watch with sorrow
As humans destroy the Earth?
Knowing that by daylight tomorrow
All there’ll be left is dead trees and broken dirt.

Frustration churns inside his mind;
He could win any battle,
Beat any fight
But he can do nothing in the Humans’ war between wrong or right.

Alone in the darkness the lilac sky glistened
Images of the moon was vividly playing in her head
She could no longer stay in bed .
To cool her light head, she had to go out to the shed
From that day on she was declared dead…