Teenage

A place where I don’t belong,
Feeling all kinds of wrong.
Why is this happening to me,
a feeling that’s now familiar, not new to me?
Why does no one care,
why am I such a failure, it’s so unfair.
I just want a time and place for me to shine,
is that too much to ask for just this one time?
Rejection always hurts no matter what was the plan,
want the feeling of acceptance, being loved, part of the fam.
snide comments take a hit directly towards me,
sure no problem your not feeling right, I’m a target until I flee.
Why is it like this? Why do you win?
You’re always right, where do I even begin.
Don’t look at me like that, why do I deserve to be treated this way,
when you’re the one with the problem, stop running away.
just be yourself, let yourself shine,
stop running after others it will become your time.
You suck, stop hurting others cuz you’re in pain,
go get help, stop giving us the blame.
Why am I the victim of all your anger, leave me alone, let me be,
I’ve had enough of being the brunt of your hardship, took me time to see.
I’ll get up of course and move on,
pretend I’m fine, smile, live life, inside my heart weighing a ton.
People don’t see the pain, don’t see what’s really inside,
seeing their smiles makes me wanna hide.
We’re all hiding something we don’t want others to see
some harder than others, some find it easier to be free.
Why am I not good enough?
Why am I not fit?
To be a part of something I am never it.
I pretend I’m fine like everything’s great,
when deep inside I’m broke and my heart just aches.
Walking around with a stone on my heart,
I’ll live through it eventually, through all this dark.

There’s no air, it’s hard to breathe, taking a breath, it’s so hard to believe.
That people actually care and trust you, just wanna sleep, no hope or light, just pain that’s so deep.
Trying to control, trying to be strong, never feeling strength, just trying to belong.
Just to keep fighting it’s so tough, you just feel like you’ll never be enough.
No one understands, no one feels, trying to learn that only time heals.
Trust that only the process will help you move on, to become a better version of you, it can be done.
There are nice people in this world who genuinely care, even when you feel like no one is there.
I promise you from rock bottom we only go upwards and strive, to be the best version of ourselves to want to thrive.
So come out of hiding, keep on fighting.
The path may not be clear as day, but there are people who will help you along the way.
They’re so kind, caring, sensitive, and true, they value your worth just because you are you.
Just remember, hold on, pain ends, and know the ones who are there through everything are your true friends.
You get me, you understand like no one else has done ever, always there when I’m down, not leaving me, never.
You hug me and snuggle me, keeping me safe and secure, keeps me wanting to come back for more.
We have a non-verbal language, just the two of us, you care, you love and appreciate a great fuss.
Alfie you don’t know how much love you have given to me, installed in me hope, set me free.
A sense of calm washes over me when I’m with you, you say ”It’s gonna be okay, you’ll overcome this too”
A place I can leave my anxiety, worries, and fears, knowing I will always have you so very near.
Now I know my power, my strength, my might, I know I’ll go far no matter the fight.
And if the road shifts somewhere along the way, it’s still my journey- just a different way.
You trust me and have taught me to let go, giving me hope that maybe I can trust others too when I’m in the low.
Alfie, I love you so very much, you’ve taught me way more than anyone else has with your very special touch.
You give me the fight to move on, to spread light and prevail, to prove to myself and others that I choose not to fail.
In the darkness you are my shining light, making my future a little bit more bright.
Alfie, there are no words to thank you for just being there, helping me to open up and share.
I’m very much looking forward to spending more time with you and me together, you will be etched into my heart forever.

Life begins with a tiny spark,
A quiet moment in the dark.
A first small breath, a hopeful cry,
A brand new soul begins to try.

We learn to walk, we learn to speak,
We chase our dreams and find what we seek.
Through ups and downs, we grow each day
Finding our own unique way.

Life is full of joy and pain,
Sunshine days and falling rain
We laugh, we love, we sometimes fear,
But keep moving forward year by year.

One day life will gently close,
Like the petals of a rose.
Through endings make us feel so small
They are part of life’s great call

So from the start until the end,
Life’s a journey we defend.
A chance, to love, to hope, to be
A story that is wild and free.

People grant wishes;
birthdays, prayers, holidays.
I wished for 15 years straight, same wish all again;
every year the same thing.
That’s when I realized the wish
wasn’t going to become something I wanted,
but something I needed to change within myself,
my thoughts, and my way of being.
Ever since, I’ve truly wished
that I could’ve woken up from those nightmares
and wished that those obsessions and habits I had;
were gone.

People often say, “There’s only one love you’d kill for,
and if you’re lucky enough, a kind one to get you killed.”
But as I focused more on people’s way of loving,
I knew they’d get killed for loving too hard,
but when you stayed with me;
it only made me kill my thoughts
of your words being overly kind
which killed the romance you, my darling, and I had.

It is strange!
How friends become foes
Want to know why?
Nobody knows!

In this hard world,
Everything’s queer
Life is nothing but
A rivalry here!

You have to run,
Compete with mates,
And ‘course, betrays,
That is your fate .

Wherever you go
Whoever you meet,
Jealousy and hate
Beside your seat.

Over there, those
Praising you high,
Those very ones would
Like to see you cry.

Welcome to TRUTH,
Meet your ‘chums’!
Who’ll do anything
But share their sums.

There’s no time to
Listen to the heart,
Nor is there need,
‘Cause it will surely hurt.

Listen to the brain
You’ll find a way —
Be a good guy
And pray, don’t go astray!

Thousands of thoughts in mind
But
Still nothing to speak
So many wounds in heart
But nothing to heal
A lot of things to see
But
Still nothing to feel
Everything is going on
But
Nothing on the right route
So many regrets to take
But
Nothing to loss
A lot of things in front
But
Still nothing to choose
Thousands, a lot, many reasons to leave
But
Where is peace?
Where is peace?

It hit me hard harder than the truth ever does
I am seen as a prodigy when I do what everyone else does
If I had known this earlier I would have tried to become one too
A people pleaser, an over achiever
A person whose dreams were seen as reality, dreams that fit reality
But I choose not to be that way
I choose to sticking with the illusion over reality
Because it makes me feel more real and alive

I see the moon
A soft cast of white,
An ocean of love,
I come back to life

Chill down my spine
The moon becomes mine
Are we destined to be?
An impossible love perhaps

I’ll melt with the stars
Next to it shall be
a hidden love in the darkness,

I must be under a spell
For I am drawn to it like magic!
One look and I’m lost
What could I imagine?

Were we linked in the past?
Now, my muse, you have become
In love with the moon?
Of course, how could I not ?

Humanity dawns
The people are ruled
But there are the people who reign
Who crave power—
It is what restrains the ruled
Suppression is an investment
For the nation’s growth
Or is it?

The beginning of an end
The process of elimination
Of fellow men or not
As his position becomes more potent
No longer do the people work for the country
It is him and only him, centered upon

It is him, and only him who is valid
His words are carried out
And the words carry the people
The words are to be esteemed

The words are strong
Indoctrination.
They infect
Propaganda.
Finalization of his position

Finalization of authority
He has absolute control
But as greed propels him
He seizes the opportunities
His nation grows

His nation is full
But continues to consume
To the point where she is sick
And so is everyone else
Given a point where it can no longer sustain
Its inside roaring, ready to implode
Snap—as it tumbles down
The collapse of skyscraper scaffoldings

Humanity dawns
The people are ruled
But there are the people who reign
Who crave power—
They rise into position
And vigorously devour once more

The Dictator.