Twinkle twinkle little star
Harry Potter has a scar
Strawberry jam in a jar
We are stuck in the tar
I am the Russian Czar
Relaxing at the spa
Smoking the big cigar
Listening to the bass guitar
We own an electric car
To the restaurant and bar
Don’t worry it’s not that far
So twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are?
3 Responses to “Twinkle Star”
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Good. I’ve added a couple of extra syllables. See if you can see why and where. As a further improvement – what kind of guitar? And the family car line’s a bit boring maybe?
1. Harry Potter has-with a scar
2. Do not – Don’t worry it’s not that far
3. Smoking the cigar – you added big
Up level/ improvement
1. Listening to the bass guitar
2. We own an electric car?
Indeedy. Here’s the final version. Whenever I write a poem I often leave it for a few days, then go back to it. You can usually find little things to change to improve it. Just compare this version to your first. Good work!