to look back on all the laughter,
how can it not seem bittersweet?
when we met last summer,
and your shimmering hazel eyes met mine from across the room,
I could have stayed there in that moment all my life.
messaging all day and night,
hours of calls,
meeting up and being so in love.
I wonder late at night,
when did the love turn to sadness?
when did the happiness turn to guilt?
your name lighting up my phone once again
but I’m no longer excited.
all the pictures of us in my phone,
but more importantly
engraved in the bottom of my heart in blood red,
I was so happy with you.
I wonder what made me feel like that then,
and I wonder why I don’t feel like that now.
if I could still love you,
I would take you out,
smile as we message,
call you on Christmas Eve full of holiday happiness,
spend as much time as possible with you.
but I can’t love you.
I don’t love you, and I’m sorry.
the memories come in flashbacks,
shattering my heart again and again,
but I know I was happy then,
although I think I’ve forgotten how to be now.
I’m sorry that this had to be the end of us.