So this is a poem
but it really happened
Me and my grandma went for a walk.
We went for the best Aero ever.
We felt like we had walked through half the hospital
And then the shop was shut!
Trotting through the fields
Galloping across the land
Feet barely touching the ground
It races on
At the speed of light
As its flaming mane
Tries to keep up
Its bushy tail
Blowing ferociously
In the wind
And there it stands
Smart and tall
It looks at me
And whinnies
Oh Jesus, why is my life so easy?
Oh, why are my feet so cheesy?
Hello Mr Christmas tree, why are you so fatty?
Santa, why is your beard so chunky?
HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY
On the busiest night
Of Christmas Day
There are still things that will leave dismay.
As quiet children sleep
Softly and calm
A monster awakes to cause alarm.
It’s sharp yellow teeth
With scrapping fingernails
Creeps from the shadows, its skin quite pale.
It closes around the corner of the bed
Breathing down the child’s head.
It’s gnashers grind, clamp and creek
Sniffing out all it seeks.
The skeleton-like figure raises a claw hand
The skin of its finger feeling like sand.
It brushes against the poor victim’s cheek
Checking to see if generosity is weak.
This child has been greedy
Selfish and all
Not giving presents even to the needy.
The Christmas Nightmare grabs the child’s shoulder
Pulls it out of bed
Then the warm blankets are left colder.
Sometime you hear The Christmas Nightmare
It’s shoulders pop from its sockets
As another greedy child is stashed in its pockets.
It’ll leave you crying all night
Because The Christmas Nightmare always causes a fright.
Christmas Eve is a happy time
Kids running and jumping around
Waiting for presents on Christmas day
Put out a mince pie for Santa
Some reindeer food for Rudolph
Sadly though, not the other reindeers
Well you know, it doesn’t really matter
All that ‘reindeer food’ is….
I don’t mean to be a scrooge
Or anything like that
But reindeer food is just glitter and oats
Which makes the reindeer fat
One Christmas Eve they landed on a street
A street that held a competition
To see who could buy the most lights
They landed on the roof of the winner
Layered with lights that night
A runway was cleared the week before
For Santa and his sleigh
So they could deliver the presents
Ready for Christmas Day
Santa said to Rudolph
“Please don’t run away.”
He jumped down into the chimney
Far, far away
Something quite odd happens
When the word ‘don’t’ is said
You really want to do that thing
It messes with your head
Or in Rudolph’s case
It messes with his antlers
Rudolph charged like lightning
Majestically, he flew off the roof
At least, that was the image in his head
This is what really happened:
He ran to the edge of runway
Ready to take off for flight
Reaching the stars on that festive night
But the stars remained a long way away
And Rudolph got a fright
His antlers had gotten tangled
In all the flashing lights
The other reindeers began to panic
Santa would be EXTREMELY mad
They tried cutting the lights
Started a fire
Bashing his antlers on houses
Crumbled a lot of walls
Blixen even tried to untie them
Obviously, that idea was crazy
Since reindeers don’t have thumbs
If you think about it, thumbs are the only reason that humans rule the world
Santa was heard thudding back up the chimney
And the reindeers all hung their heads in shame
When Santa asked who’s fault it was
Comet gave Rudolph the blame
Santa gave Rudolph a good telling off
Then called Mrs Claus on his phone
She has very nimble fingers you know
Mrs Claus arrived in a jiffy
And untied the gigantic knot
They all sped away in Santa’s sleigh
Knowing they would be pursued
The whole street was wrecked, thanks to them
Back in the North Pole feeling comfy
They heard a knock on the door
Police were stood outside
This is what they said:
“We are here for you and the reindeer
For the damage you caused on Christmas night.”
So Santa squished in the police car
With Rudolph and Blixen and more
They were taken away
For six months and a day
For the crime they accidentally committed
Six boring months stuck in a cell
With eight reindeers and a woman called Tess
She was in for stealing a beautiful dress
So Santa and Rudolph are no longer friends
And none of it would have happened
If Rudolph had just behaved
Or if Santa had not said ‘don’t’
So if you don’t want to end up in prison
Please just follow this rule
If you’re in dismay
Then don’t disobey
Santa and his golden rules
And if you do then Tess might come
In the black of night and steal you’re beautiful dress:):):)
Loneliness is a deep dangerous purple
it smells like overdue milk.
It tastes like mouldy green cheese
and looks like a tiny locked cupboard.
Loneliness is man marooned on a desert island.
I picked up a shining stone
when I got home it started to moan.
It woke me up in the night
and gave me a terrible fright.
Next day when I went to school
I dropped it in the swimming pool.
Then it turned into a man
who chased me with a pot of jam.
When you are walking all alone
DO NOT pick up a shining stone.
Camping by myself
I decide to take a walk
In the friendly woods
On a moonless night
All the trees have drooped down
All the birds asleep
Cuddled up in their little nests
As I walk by
A hollow tree
I see
A squirrel snoring silently
Hugging its acorns
The woods asleep
The silent lake
Makes huge ripples
When I touch them
Unlike at dawn
When the waters are lively
The silver stars gleam
On the coat of the sky
And then I see a figure
By the light of the stars
Flying in the night
Who is it, I wonder
And I race after it
Disturbing the silence of the woods
On the moonless night
It hoots
A violent shriek
And swoops down
Comes back
With mice in its claws
And as the Sun rises up again
Spreading its light
The creature flies back to its tree
Settles down
And starts to sleep
On the way to the North Pole I saw Santa
On the way to the North Pole I saw Santa and his elves
On the way to the North Pole I saw Santa and his elves and Rudolf the red nosed reindeer
On the way to the North Pole I saw Santa and his elves and Rudolf the red nosed reindeer and lots of presents
On the way to the North Pole I saw Santa and his elves and Rudolf the red nosed reindeer and lots of presents and the naughty and nice list