As I drive in the countryside,
I see some hot-air balloons being readied
At the roadside. Hot-air is being put into them
Which is as light as helium. One of them is
Red and yellow, the other is blue and orange.
When they are filled up, they will be as big
As a hill. They will start moving upwards
And reach a particular height. It will be a slow rise
And calming. You will also see the
Green fields from up above. You will
See the world the same way as God
Sees it. I wouldn’t mind having a ride in one.
In fact, I would love it.
I wouldn’t mind it and fancy it – mean more or less the same. So I’ve changed to end to love it. Hope that’s okay. I’ve also changed – As I go in my car to – As I drive. As I go in my car is fine – but I think, when you write a poem, the more you can say in fewer words is good. Try and cut out all those extra words. Rather than get to see… just see – is fine. I think it will improve your poems. (Which I am enjoying very much, by the way.)
Thank you sir. I will try to incorporate your feedback in my poems.