Just outside the eye of the storm

So close to the calm of it
the peace of it

after fighting forwards for so long

I should be enthralled
drove forwards by the closeness of it
so soon
and I’ll be there

but I’m not

I’m terrified

I become weaker the more I journey

led blindly by the forces of the storm around me

surrounding me

controlling me

or am I just dreaming?

maybe I chose to be here
maybe I want to be here
desperate for the calm in the centre

but the more I stare at it
this so called paradise
the more it becomes a mirage

a false hope

a fake dream

a destination never to be reached

and I run

back the way I came

back against the storm

tears like waterfalls as I defy everything around me

I have to leave my heart behind

too heavy to run with

it would just drag me down.

I grow even wearier as I reach the edge.

finally I fall to the floor

too drained to do much else

but as I lie here
too tired to move
too pained to feel

I look back at the storm
at its howling winds
its splintering rain

and It’s beautiful

maybe this is the eye of the storm

that moment of clarity

that second of peace

and suddenly something unknown within me
moves me forwards

dragging me across the floor
determined to have its way

and although every other inch of me
wants me to go back to the edge;
shouts at me to stop
screams at me to turn around
cries at me to think

I keep moving forward…

led blindly by the force of it…

to the mirage at the centre…

the supposed ‘eye of the storm’