Dear owner,
I have been most loyal to you
Served your every command
But my earnings have been pathetically few
Here are some of my polite demands
I work constantly at 14 percent
You refuse me reprieve
Then when I’m supposed to be charged, at night’s end,
You shrug your shoulders and fall asleep
I am dropped on all varieties of materials
From water, to marble to concrete
Admittedly, the leather case makes it hard to feel
But I resent being treated like bird’s droppings; tossed around from street to street
You might think my complaints are without bite
No lawyer will come to my aid; my own manufacturer won’t bat an eye
I am but an inanimate object; I have no human rights
But listen here, and listen well to my wails; my cries
I know more about you than your own family
I know your passwords, I know what you do in incognito mode
I know your address, your contacts and where you keep your keys
Your diary, your secrets, your weird obsessions, I have the ability to upload
Signed,
The device currently buzzing in your pocket