Teenage

It’s here,
It’s frost bitten breath runs
Down my neck
The shadows claw
Digging into my skin
The colour of this demon
Is as dark as an abyss

It fools people,
It twist their minds
Into believing it’s me,
I’m forced to wear it as my skin
That there’s no escape

I hear its whispers
Saying,
Do it,
You’re worthless,
Do it,
no one cares,
Do it,
You won’t be missed

Slowly the whispers
Turn into screams
I distance myself
From the people around me
Because I know that
If I don’t
It’ll be my downfall

I’m tired of people saying
“It’s all in your head”
“It’ll get better”
“I know how you feel”

No,
You don’t

You don’t know my hardship,
You don’t know
What it’s like
To be abandoned,
To be left in the dirt,
By the people
Who are supposed
To love you

I’m scared of
Being abandoned again,
I’m scared of losing my battle…

My secret lives inside
Buried deep in my heart
Somewhere no one can reach

I’d wear it in a locket
Closed with a key
I’d throw into the river

It’s a burden
My burden
A heavy weight
Resting inside me

It tastes
Dark, powerful
Spicy and sweet
Makes tears fall from my eyes

The memory looks
As pure as an angel
But to think, to remember it
That’s when evil takes over,
you see demons

To tell someone
To be so cruel and share my secret
Would be selfish
Unfair

I would never let anyone else
Suffer as I do, by remembering
What they might, just might
Have forgotten

My secret is in a box
It lives under my desk
And is wrapped around my neck
Getting tighter and tighter

It feels like falling off a horse
Like a heavy backpack on my back
It would taste like a lemon
With a colour of muddy brown

It is a stone in my shoe
Annoying me every step I take

I am not revealing my secret
Because I hate it when people say,
“I know how you feel.”

My secret lives
Undercover
Under my skin,
In the depths
Of my mind

The secret
I’m hiding
Is wrapped
Around my neck
Making me
Choke in despair

This heavy scarf
Of a secret
Is like
Waking up
In the night
With cold sweat
Makes me want
To scream
Out loud
But
Only sadness
And silence
Comes out
Of my mouth

Bitter taste
If it had one
Gray colour
If it was visible
Rough texture
If it felt like something
A very heavy weight
All in my back
Making me feel
A defeated man

I miss
My grandma
She
Was
Perfect

My secret lives in the darkness
And rests under my bed
But it always visits my head
Especially my heart

When my family is together
I always wear it
In a small and hidden pocket

It feels worse
Than than what a human
Should ever imagine

I makes me want to run
Run far as I can
Run and never look back
But deep in my heart
I know that it will always be there

It tastes horrible
Similar to a tasteless rough stone
The secret eats all the colours
And leaves no joy for others
In the end
Darkness is all that remains

It can be lifeless
Lifeless, rough and cold
But it can quickly change
And become a scorching fire
That destroys happiness and dreams

I can not reveal it
And you do not want to hear it

I hate the boy I am today
So you’ll never hear me say that
I am unique.
Deep down I know that
The ticks define who I am
And that
I’m only known for my Tourettes.
I refuse to believe that
There is hope.
I’m ashamed of myself in public
No longer can I say that
I’m proud of who I am.

Read it Backwards

I hate poetry
So you’ll never hear me say that
I’m a good poet
Because I know in my heart that
No one appreciates my work
And that
Poetry is useless
I refuse to believe that
My work is loved
Because I know that
I’m not good enough
So I will never say that
I love poetry

*Read backwards.

My secret lives
In my veins
As refreshing
As a rushing river
Light blue
Just like the sky

A golden ring
Shining in the dark
A little ring
I take everywhere

This secret is like
A Christmas gift
Which may not be opened

A sweet taste
That turns bitter

When thinking
My muscles turn tense
And a bunch
Of mixed emotions

Just the feel
Of not knowing
Where he is

Just like
The Christmas box
I wrote about
Earlier
This secret
Cannot be
Unraveled

My Secret lives
In the scratches of my arms
It feels light,
Yet you can feel it
Non stop

It always feels like
Hiding, in its jumper
It tries to hide
And scatters whenever it moves

It makes me feel
Different from my friends
It digs a hole
To never be seen.

It is tasteless
Yet it wants to jump,
Jump around my tongue

It would be a vivid blue
And green
Changing every few seconds

It would be a disk player,
But it scratches the needle
And breaks every day
Only working and playing
For two hours

Maybe I’ll tell my secret
Maybe I wont
Only time
Can tell.

The little girl
Who once taught me
How to ride my bike
Is now yelling at me
For stealing her clothes
Apparently I didn’t ask her

The little girl who
Used to want to
Play with me
All the time
Is now yelling at me
To get out

The little girl
who cried over a scrape
On her knee
Is now asking
Me for comfort
Over a stupid boy

The little girl
who used to tease me
about being short
Now only reaches
My shoulders
She used to say
‘I’m taller than you’
But now it’s my turn

The little girl
Who I used to share a room
With is now moving away
She says
‘I’m not abandoning you’
Then why does it
Feel like she is