Teenage

There is a grumpy man that lives across the road
We always see him picking his nose

He has a pet dog that he dresses up in clothes
Who is always sniffing the old man’s toes

We see them through the window dancing and singing
I think they’re going on X Factor and they might just win it

The old man is nice when you get to know him
He has no family of his own, he just watches the people passing

But now I know him better I wave and say Hello.
He’s not the grumpy old man I thought. He’s just a lonely old soul

Yet again I’m the one that never gets picked or given a chance,
thrown aside, whilst my words as I try to speak
are lost in transmission

Society tells me that I am not pretty enough.
But my skin colour does not define who I am,
my dress size should not have to shrink to suit the mode.
If I am not ‘perfect’ in society’s eyes, I am not defined as ‘normal’.

Walking through the hallways
scared that someone is going to throw words at me,
words that will rip me open,
words of abuse spat at my face,
words dripping down my face.
Sometimes I wish the words wouldn’t cut so deep into my skin so many times,
my flesh can’t heal, I can’t take it, I can’t take it.
I keep it all in and carry on like normal
hoping no one senses my sadness,
my pain, my hurt.
I pretend the support helped but all it did was help to hide the pain well.

Society tells me that I am not tall enough,
that my thighs are PLUS size,
that my belly is NOT flat enough,
that my eyes are NOT a nice colour,
that my lips are TOO big,
that my teeth are TOO small.
Society …who is society and what does he or she look like?
That is a mystery that no one knows

I fear that the rumors will never stop ,
never disappear.
Soon my name will be dancing from tongue to tongue
and slipping from ear to ear.
If their words don’t cut deep enough, paranoia will consume my soul ,
forcing me to destroy my outer body
leaving me defeated in society’s eyes,
another one of it’s victims,
mocked and devoured by people trying to make me fit into
society’s check list

despite the mirrors reflecting me,
it’s not me with all simplicity.
I see someone looking perfectly fine,
though I’m sure that reflection isn’t mine.
I feel broken and impaired,
don’t push, don’t fight; I’m not prepared.

The reflection copies my moves,
its body matches my every bruise.
I hear voices whispering everywhere,
I’ve looked at the mirror with too much stare.

I turn my head to walk away,
but the reflection is there to stay.
The hallucinations go on and on,
from morning to night, they’re never gone
and though I move, it yet stays still,
watching as seconds, by hours, by days fill.
and one day, I stare at it and realize,
that I watch myself and it stays paralyzed,
that I watch myself too much to care,
that someone is always there.
​

Coca Cola went to town
Diet Pepsi shot him down
Doctor pepper fixed him up
Now we are drinking 7Up

Cold outside but the memories are fading,
Frost on the ground whilst my thoughts are cascading.
Falling through the cold mist of the night,
Landing on the ground after a hard fight.

A fight with nostalgia and love and grief,
A fight with my thoughts to turn over a new leaf

Leaving the technicolor films lying on the floor,
The time has come to make some more.
Picking up a few of the Polaroids to put on the wall,
But understanding this is the end of the fall.

Springtime is approaching faster than I can see,
And I watch it come,
Wary of what it may be,
Hoping for a world as colourful as it was,
With new friendships, memories and maybe a new love.

So I grip the Polaroids,
approach the mist,
Look up to the sky,
And make a wish.

I unlock the vault,
I open the door,
I close my eyes,
I look at the floor.
I take a step,
Into the dark,
I glance behind me,
I see the mark.
Taking a peek,
Seeing the colour,
I open my eyes,
Then I see the summer.

The heat on my face as I held his hand,
The grass on my feet as I sang with the band,
Watching, like movies, these pictures flicker by,
Vague whispers of a world lost in a lullaby.

Delving deeper into the wrath of the past sun,
I catch a memory butterfly,
And look into its eyes.
They tell the tale of a summer’s afternoon,
Spent in the arms of the one I once knew,
Back in the days of the time spent in fields,
Laughing with each other and knowing what was real.

But that particular day took place on a bench,
And was so special it left a defined etch in my head.
I savoured that day like one protects their heart,
As that was the day our lips touched and did not part.

It’s time, close the box,
Let the butterfly fly away,
Because the sadness is filling my head,
Knowing the happiness I led astray.

I turn around,
I see the door,
I pick up the key,
And begin to walk.
As I reach the the mark,
I left before,
I look behind me,
And feel the sun once more

Walking down this road
It is getting kind of lonely
One day you’re a baby
Next day you’re crawling
Then you begin to walk
Than WHAM you can talk
Then you go into shock
When you turn ten
Then you are 16, 18, then 21
Then can really have some fun!
You can drive, get married, and go out on your own!
Wow, is that not fun, I know!
But now you are getting old
40, 50, 60 then play with your grandkids
Then you get too old to play
That’s when you say, “I have had a good life”
That’s when you lay your head to rest
Next to you husband or wife.

She wasnt the girl they once knew,
For her heart had turned as cold and hard,
As the stone that will one day mark her grave.

We weigh so heavily
on each other’s shoulders
That I can hear bones snap
With each breath we take

I exhale hurt
And force those around
To inhale the pain
Dragging them down with me

You have a mouth like a waterfall
Spitting out words like bullets
It’s the fact that I can see them strike like lightning
But I can’t grasp them
That makes my teeth ache
When I hear the thunder

I wear love around my neck like a noose
And with you it gets tighter
My lungs scratch at my sides
Willing themselves to breathe
Until I cut the rope
And set myself free

She went traveling through the black maze at sunlight
no matter how many turns, she always got lost
constantly getting blocked, locked inside the darkness,
although the sun was shining, no light was seen.
nor even sought.
Turn, after turn, after turn, never getting anywhere.
She looked down, seeing a path,
her path. She’s just gone in circles
retracing her steps over and over.
Finally she came to white wall.
she ran to touch it, but so cautious,
for the black walls always burn.
Slowly, but surely, she reached out,
and fell straight through.
She came face to face with him,
Death? God? Neither perhaps.
He took her hand, suddenly,
surrounded by black walls again,
she wept, falling to her knees
he picked her up and walked,
passed each and every black wall,
until they were free.