Teenage

You question how the world, a single sole entity, can become “better”

I say, the question is how we can make it wetter

Lack of flow, bringing of drought

World ceasing to revolve, lasting with its faults

Once warm puffy clouds dissipating, evaporating, seeming to be gone

Rain storms with it, once thundering and quarrelsome

A rainbow’s variegation shattering into pure colorless glass

Limitless sky; disappearing; rendering itself quite rash…

Then add diseases amplifying the embrace of death, of lasting light’s kiss

Pain, scars, rashes, depression, drugs, suicide, a lack of pure bliss

Without which the world would be on an all time high

Passing along, singing its song; now of dreariness, gloaming, and demise

Littering past, human fallacy scattered to the heavens

Where white clad angels can remedy, shape, mend, and recondition

Soulless beings past reprobation, extricated by holy saints

Odd, mediocre, disquieting creatures acquire places of deserved rank

Bias eliminated, nonexistent, and consequentially extinct

Lies, such as knives, stabbing through people’s minds, who are just wishing to be heard

A voice to all, a representation, a desire for truth and authenticity through the individual word

Helping hand within aiding hand, embracing; clutching; relying

Four chambered hearts connected by more than just arteries and veins

Looks and beauty disregarded, individuals regarded by genuineness and what the inside contains

A revival of creation, fabrication, construction, and development; a demolition decrease

A contemporary Renaissance; exemplifying morals, relevant issues, and (of course) world peace

How such a power could be improved, however, is beyond me

As a human being, I believe there to be only one “bona fide” method to appease

The world must band together and weather the many incoming storms

As an entity, no individual can stand alone

Lasting, falling, producing, and shaping

Our world is a wondrous realm of rights, liberty, and personal conscientiousness in the making

While this sphere shall advance within time, one statement remains true

In regard to our planet, all must pitch in and pledge time in order to make it harmonious, healthy, and breathtakingly beautiful

I hide in a corner of my mind
Refusing to believe what everyone tells me
How I’m too pointless for anyone to listen to
How I’m Stupid
Fat
I try so hard not to let my thoughts run rampant
To ignore the voices in my head telling me to just Give Up

My demons, there are many
They are strong and tend to win
They have names

First there’s Ana
A girl so skinny
She makes a size 2 look fat
She invades my mind
Seeming friendly at first
She says, ‘It’s just advice’
That she ‘just wants to help.’
Oh, how little did I know
I was the girl who loved food
The girl nicknamed ‘Skinny Minny’ as a child
Looking at the number on the scale
I wish I was her instead of my ‘fat’ 170 pounds
‘You need to be thinner’
‘I’m just your friend.’
Her whispers have become my life
“Don’t eat this”
“Don’t eat that”
“Don’t eat”

Second Is Perrie
The paranoid girl who hides
Never trusts anyone
Anyone but herself
I thought she was just trying to help
I was wrong
She tells me the terrors of the world
Doing but nothing but installing fear
Planting it in me as if it was a seed
And I am the soil where it must grow
“They’re out to get you”
“You will always get hurt.”
“You aren’t good enough for them.”
And over my shoulder I look
Trying to avoid any form of harm

Then the twins
Annie… and Addie
Anxious and stays invisible
Can’t stay focused
Polar opposites, but together they destroy
Having me hide and distracting my thoughts
It goes unnoticed as I become my own background color
“Be invisible, the boy you think of in history will only ridicule.”
“Put on your hoodie and sleep.”
“Don’t let them see you.”

Izzy is the most annoying
Unable to sleep every night
Her ways are subtle
Written off as stress
Homework
Staying up willingly
That is how she kills you
There is no choice once she takes hold of you
You can’t just say ‘no’
She’s persuasive and always wins
“You don’t need sleep.”
“The dark is full of thoughts.”
“You will live.”
She’s a liar

Deb was a forced relationship
She smashed her way into my life
I had no say in this one
Tears and pain follow her wherever she goes
Makes sense she’d find me too
I made the perfect subject for her to poke at
No friends
No feelings
I’ve become numb to everything around me
No longer caring
No longer thinking
Just being
“No one cares.”
“No one loves you.”
“You’re all alone.”

Last but not least Sue
She’s by far the worst
Not even wanting you to live
Her and Deb are accomplices
Working together
It’s only a matter of time
They whispered in my ear
And I started to listen
They made a mess of me
“Shoot. No one would care.”
“Take the pills. No one will save you.”
“Make it so deep they can’t stitch it back together.”

I fight these girls every day
Taking my life moment by moment
Minute by minute
Hour by hour
No one knew
Not until now
I’ve kept them hidden
Not wanting anyone to see what who I fight
These girls are more than demons
They. Are. Me.

You come in drunk with fist raised, I’m just sitting there.
When I’m pummeled by you in your drunken rage.
Sometime I just feel so alone,
Like no one understands me, not even at home.
Instead of counting sheep, I cry myself to sleep.
Please god help me
And my brothers of three.

Help all the children out there being abused and hurt,
Being called names,kicked, punched and pushed to the dirt.
Sometimes I believe there only one way out,
I look at the blade, filled with doubt.
That I’m going to make it out of this house alive,
With my brothers by my side.

I will remain here for my teen years,
Be beaten and cry more tears.
And then leave this place,
And join my own race.
With halos and wings,
Not staying here eating “home made” chicken wings.
I need love and care,
Not KFC and sleazy underwear.
I need a father like a child should,
Not a guy to pay the rent usually up to no good.
Do you not care for me?
And my brothers of three.
I could die
And only then would you cry,
Please someone help me
Don’t leave this be.

My teachers don’t allow because
at the start of sentences
in fact they don’t even allow you
to have it in a single sentence
The best word these days is
despite!

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Sticks and stones.
Who says they have to break your bones?
Sometimes they fracture you and it hurts.
Leave it over time and it just gets worse.
Same with words over time.
So I’m sick of this rhyme.
Saying that words won’t hurt you.
Even though they do.
Especially when you’re young.
Sitting in the playground, wondering what you have done.
To deserve the verbal abuse.
Your classmates spit out at you.

They say it gets better from there.
Even strangers on the street, laugh and at you and stare.
They say to ignore them and the mean things they have to say.
Sometimes you don’t have the strength to ignore it every single day.
Words do hurt, they cut as deep as any knife.
They build up on you over your entire life,
and one day it just becomes too much.
They call you fat so you start skipping lunch.

Do they say these things out of spite?
Who knows, either way it leaves you crying all night.
In your only sanctuary, your bedroom.
What else can you do?
In this day and age
There is no escape.
You return home
Only to find a hateful message on your phone.

Some turn to blades.
Add a scar to their skin for every mean comment on their page.
They say the cutters are the problem.
‘The bullies will go away if you ignore them’.
Ignore them and they get mad.
Soon you wish they had
Broken your bones.
Instead of the messages they sent to you phone.
The words they say.
Haunt you for the rest of your days.
You might smile, take it in your stride.
Only realise exactly what they were saying at night.
So don’t tell me that words will never hurt you.
Don’t lie to yourself you know they do.

When you’re around people with fake smiles.
Who say kind things to your face but after a while
They get bored with you and laugh behind you back,
Calling you a bimbo, b*tch, stupid and fat.
Words hurt more each day,
Why do you feel the need the spew the mean things you say,
Picking on those you know won’t fight back?

Only because you have a snickering pack
Of people just as bad, people who get just as mad.
Mad at you for being better.
Yet they say you’re worse behind some letters.
Letters on a screen that they use as their attack.
Never say it to your face only behind your back.

They’re cowards, that’s all you need to know,
You’re beautiful, not an ‘idiot’ nor a ‘stupid hoe.’
If you need help please reach out,
Reach out to someone and they’ll help without a doubt,
Because sticks and stones may break your bones,
But the pain of the words
Lasts longer.

We walk and talk.
The trees tower above.
The moonlight shines down.
Our thoughts and ideas flow in the wind.
Our jokes, our memories, our wildest dreams.
We laugh, talk, and laugh some more.
We smile and chatter on and on.
We could joke around for hours and hours.
My friend and I.

The sky is a thoughtful blue.
A single palm tree stands far away.
I’m at a restaurant. Tables fill with laughter.
Kids are screaming. Everyone is eating. We all laugh.
Voices light up the room. There is a sparkle in everyone’s eyes. We burst with happiness. We glow.
I sing. You sing. She sings. We smile.
Stories travel around the room. We speak of yesterday, today, tomorrow. You, me, and he.
We shine. We glow. We dance. We sing. We scream. We eat. We hum. We sparkle.
The sky is a thoughtful blue.

The tree outside has white flowers.
Many white flowers on every dark brown branch.
White little flowers creating curly locks of hair.
It contrasts with the palm tree’s straightened locks,
or the redwood’s layered waves.
This tree is special.

The chemicals in the air were dancing through my body.
I could hear the pounding of gun shots and the soldier’s bodies piling high.
People were dying in front of me,
And that, from a distance was all I could see.
I wanted to help my fellow men,
But for myself, I was paralyzed, my sickly body had fallen.
By this point I was the last one left.
Fallen soldiers, a broken heart but no regrets.
I did it for my country, to live in peace and be happy.
That was the day the chemical bomb killed me.

This isn’t just an instrument
It’s an escape route
a way out from sadness

It’s a chance for me to shine
and be my own star
To create the best performance
in the cages of my bedroom

To feel the strings pluck
returning my psychotic state
back into sanity

To sing a song you want
or write your own
and sing it to your heart’s desire

To sing it loudly
Like no one is home
To face away from your fears
and stand up to them

It’s a pathway to freedom
and happiness
doing something you love

The outcome of the sound
lifts your spirits
and allows you to be the same
for just a little while longer

Addicted to the feeling
and the sensation you get
from playing it
makes makes you long for a chance
to play it once more

You may think it’s just an instrument
But it’s an escape from
all of your problems