I remember when I was small(er)
before Christmas,
there would be a tingle,
a thrill in my stomach.
Reindeer dancing around inside me.
I miss that.
I’m only 12,
but already the holiday thrill
has vanished.
I still feel excited.
I still squeal.
I still jump.
I still can’t fall asleep in anticipation.
But I don’t feel the thrill
of pure unfiltered
jubilation or
glee or
ecstasy.
I love the holidays.
Winter is my second-favourite season.
But something has changed.
And so now, even as I
feel excited
squeal
jump
struggle to sleep
there is a light dusting of melancholy
because I miss the
bright, childish excitement I used to feel.
I wish
that I could have
slowed down the passing years,
but there is no settings bar for life.
You can’t change the playback speed.
So, today it snowed.
And December is only a few months away.
This Christmas I am going to take all
of my glee and excitement,
store it in a little jar,
and hold on to for the rest of the year.
I think it will help.
